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@AmznMovieRevws: The Maze Runner. #MazeRunner
@jake_lach: If I was antisocial I wouldn't have just ordered a pizza over the phone.
@SteveSuckington: [2nd time at girls house]
"where's your dog?"
Oh he isn't mine. I was dog sitting
[makes text alert sound w mouth] "Its work. I gotta go"
@nbadag: THERAPIST: you're running from something. what do u think it might be?
[goose outside the window does throat-slitting motion]
@: boss: can i see you in my office
me: [sheathing sword] why
@Reverend_Scott: Good thing Father's Day is only one day. I don't think I could stand to be a father longer than that.