@dannyboy7813: The moon is moving away from the earth at about 5 inches a year so it's like the longest break up ever
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@AngryRaccoon2: My daughter is able to take one chocolate cookie and then go about her day not caring that there's more. I'm pretty sure she's a witch.
@HomeWithPeanut: [1st date] Her: I have a confession. [Sigh] Sometimes, I see dead people. Me: [An idiot zombie, taking off my disguise] What a RELIEF.