@BasicLyes: People wonder why I move to a new place every couple years. The truth is, I'm being chased by a snail with a grenade and a vendetta.

@ashmensch: *Opens a window and the wind blows 42 corndogs from my desk.* "Oh no! My research!!"

@shariv67: The only French I know are words for food items and the chorus of Lady Marmelade. Turns out that's all you really need.

@shariv67: If you see someone wearing camouflage, make sure to walk right into them so they know it's working.

@LostFelicia: Some people exercise on purpose by rowing little boats. Canoe believe that?