I dont get laid nearly enough for someone who can name five different types of pokemon.
The name’s Bondjamesbond. James Bondjamesbond.
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Stuffed animals are strange like an actual tiger will tear you to pieces but here ya go kid, sweet dreams.
Wolverine: You know what I can’t heal?
Jean: What Logan?
Wolverine: A broken heart
*professor x starts laughing from the other room*
– me trying to eat with chopsticks.
New Year’s resolution is to stop drinking. Dies of thirst.
Me: you seem disappointed
Dracula: *holding a bloody Mary* it’s fine, I’m fine
I don’t want to give away my exact locale but I’ll just say I can see the moon from my kitchen. Please don’t abuse this info.
*bong calls bong protection agency*
*bong custody taken*
*bong put in foster home*
*bong misses old life*
[sits backwards in chair so i look cool]
date: you’re gonna miss the movie
The human race won’t go extinct when our blood turns into high fructose corn syrup
Our demise will come when hummingbirds figure it out