@Fickle_Filly: The next man who calls me deluded is going to regret it when he finds me sitting in his house wearing a wedding dress.
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@EddieHarris216: TSA agent: Step aside sir. I need to pat you down. Me: Hang on. (Sets up pottery wheel) (Turns on unchained melody) Let's do this.
@mrjohndarby: Just seconds before we make the jump to light speed the captain nears my console to check my calculations. I minimise solitaire just in time
@sixfootcandy: My friend's kid just asked the server for ballsack vinegar and now he's my favorite person.