Before the internet the only way to review your stay at a Hotel was to write a song about it. Like The Eagles did
The next person who calls it an ATM Machine is getting sent to the ICU Unit.
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Nonwriters: How do you write a book?
Writers: Well, you write and delete a lot. Then spend three hours researching, and correct it. Next you doubt your grasp on the english language and rewrite it again
Nonwriters: Then you’re done?
Writers: Then you start the next paragraph
Whenever I think of you, I am grateful for the many, many miles between us.
No, cough syrup, you’re not grape flavoured. Have you ever tasted a grape? You taste like death and the tears of small children, not grape.
Boss: And why can’t you come in today?
Me: *at an aquatic petting zoo* I’m feeling a little eel.
Sometimes I feel bad for yelling at my kids, but then I remember that some animals eat their kids and I don’t feel so bad anymore.
*Son storms in
‘DAD! Teacher told me that hibernation is NOT a country of stoner bears and that you’re to stop helping me with my homework’
Parenting is a mix of having no idea what your child is talking about and hoping to god they don’t start explaining it.
Well well well if it isn’t the kangaroo whose pouch I’m in.
“How old are you?”
Things you say to your third child.