him: what did you do all day?
*steps aside to reveal 12 cats taped together*
Me: it’s a purrrramid!
The nice thing about Hide-and-Seek is your children voluntarily go in a closet and be quiet for 3 hours.
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How to fix something:
-Say “let’s have a look”
-Describe the brokenness
-Break it a bit more
-Say “nah it’s broken”
-Place hands on hips
R.I.P. 2013 (2013-2013)
I hate when I call someone Queen of the Mole-People & they act like they only heard the Mole-People part.
I want to install a camera system, partly for security, but mostly so when my husband texts me asking what’s for dinner I can send him a 16 minute video montage of the kids screaming followed by a Thai take-out menu screen-shot.
It’s not the holidays until I see two minivans with red noses lock antlers over a parking space at Target.
“Let’s give the bad guy a ponytail.” – 80s movies
getting into an accident in GTA and making my character get out of the car to exchange insurance information with the other driver
Some people are the little piece of foil in the baked potato of life.
Boss: I’ll tell you what I want
Me: So tell me what you want, what you really really want
*office breaks into Spice Girls dance routine