No, I don’t hate you. I promise. Cross my heart and hope you die.
the nike cowboy boots marketing team in 1800s: just duel it
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But I love food, why would it want to poison me? 🙁
Annoying to think of how many lives on the Titanic could have been saved if only they had seen the movie.
Has anyone tried changing 2020 from dark mode back to light mode?
I am drinker.
Hear me pour.
police: what are your names?
caspar: don’t tell em, linhardt!
police: so, linhardt…
linhardt: nice one, caspar
police: and caspar…
I inject heroin into my arm that’s scarred from times prior, my eyes roll back into my head as my manager pounds on my door telling me I’m on in five minutes. Let’s rock I say as I grab my bass guitar, take a pull of whisky, and get into my chuckee cheese mouse band costume
The reason the “Cars” movies have gained so much popularity is becuase the cars speak to one another. You don’t get that with real life cars
Lawyer: did your boyfriend commit the crime?
Girlfriend: honey he can’t even commit to this relationship
Entire jury: OH SNAP
I love babies cause they just cry upon waking up and it’s so honest