Yesterday I watched Rogue One, featuring a cameo from Carrie Fisher.
One hour later she was dead.
So today I’ll be watching Home Alone 2.
The nominees are
And the winner is
mad max fury road
You Might Also Like
The only double penetrating I’ll ever do is eating the double stuff Oreo I just dropped into my coffee.
i think a lot about how flasks became a really popular gift for men right at the point when if you were hanging out with a guy and he pulled out a flask and drank from it you’d be like “oh this guy has a problem”
20’s: AT DAWN WE RIDE !
40’s: AT NINE WE SLEEP !
*sticks hand into jean pocket*
Aw damn, why in the hell do I have bbq sauce in my pocket?
*checks other pocket and finds nuggets*
Me (remembering that girls like cute things): do you like peppa pig?
Me (remembering girls like tough guys): I killed her
*Aims for the moon*
Facebook account for sale, friends included.