The occupations on ‘The Bachelorette’ are getting out of hand.

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With the holidays upon us, please dont forget what they stand for. Family, friends & punching strangers at the mall because they cut in line


[1st date]
Her: I love quail
Me: Omg me too!
H: Love Cher
M: Omg me too!
H: Love men
Me: Omg me too!
H: Love Pepsi
M: WTF is wrong with you?


Everything brightened up when you came into our presence.

– Food in my refrigerator.


lobster christian grey: ‘my tastes are very…..singular’

*opens closet door revealing hundreds of rubber bands*


Hey, people who use crystals or all-natural products instead of deodorant: You don’t need to keep informing us. We know.


I’d be so much more successful if some of my ancestors had just married better.


If playing Grand Theft Auto makes you violent, why hasn’t 25 years of me playing Madden made me a professional football player?


billy joel: she’s an uptown girl

me: where has she been living

billy joel: ur not gonna believe this


“and this blood shall be called A+”

all the other blood types: “k wow we’re like right here”