Onion texts: Please answer baby. Let me make this right.
The older I get, the more I feel like the town elders in Footloose were actually pretty cool.
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If you love something set it free, if it stays its yours
Go on then pizza, leave! Get outta here…..
At Dairy Queen:
Me: Medium Heath Blizzard please.
DQ: You wanna spoon?
Me: Sure, when do you get off?
But have you tried eating some mashed potatoes and gravy about it?
Her: are you single?
[flashback to 2011 where I tried to kiss a girl but she turned away and I kissed her cheek]
Me: haha idk
I don’t need my father to tell me he’s proud of me, I need Muldoon from Jurassic Park to call me a clever girl when I sneak up on him in a jungle.
Me: I look cute today.
” I need you ”
– Me in the toilet roll aisle
It took me 4 attempts to type “my dignity”.
Autocorrect kept changing it to “HAHAHAHAHAHA”
Having bad dreams is the best way to prove you can’t even do being unconscious right.