Court her the old fashioned way by doing late night burnouts in front of her house
The older I get, the more I realize nobody is better than I am.
Except people with statues of lions outside their house. They rule.
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Putting a light in the refrigerator is God’s way of telling us that it’s okay to eat before going to bed.
“I’d like to get a trim.”
“There’s a bit of a wait.”
“Just kidding. Have a seat, Tom.”
*At the magic show*
Magician: Now I need a volunteer
Gary the Murderer: *raises a hand*
Magician: OH MY GOD WHOSE HAND IS THAT
Nurse – “OK we are gonna start you on the scale”
Me – “You know what maybe I’m not so sick after all, *pulls knife put of leg*
Me: I’m living paycheque to paycheque
Society: Maybe you should have gotten an education
Me: I’m a teacher
Mathematics is the only place you can buy 60 watermelons and no one questions you
Genie: You can’t have unlimited wishes.
Me: I wish for unlimited genies.
Genie: Son of a