If you are under 18 years old please Unfollow me, I have underwear older than you.
The only French I know are words for food items and the chorus of Lady Marmelade. Turns out that’s all you really need.
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My house looks pristine, unless you have a can of luminol and a black light.
I’m dealing with my anger issues one chicken wing at a time.
I met a girl at a club last night and she told me she’d show me a good time.
When we got outside, she ran 100m in 9.69 seconds.
Bartender: “Do you want a drink, miss?”nnMe: “What are my choices?”nnBartender: “Yes or No.”
[at the gym]
Body builder: how much can you curl?
Me: *smugly* I can do a 9 inch ribbon
If you fall I will be there – Floor
When you’re in the shower, and you hear loud thumps and you think
“THEY’RE KILLING MY FAMILY, AND I’LL HAVE TO FIGHT THE ATTACKER NAKED”
Here, let me loosen those morals for you.
Is the Paleo diet the one where you only eat dinosaurs?