AOL was hacked yesterday so watch out for spam email that looks like it came from 1995.
The only thing worse than watching a 30-minute cartoon is not watching it then listening to your kid’s 45-minute recap.
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Few people talk about Hitler’s other known book about war games, Mein Sweeper.
My kid keeps referring to himself as a human boy and now I’m starting to have doubts
If your kid asks for a napkin it’s already too late.
Steve: Some people call me the space cowboy.
Steve’s friends: We apologize for our friend, we actually just call him Steve.
“My grammar is terrible,” I said untruthfully, as I lied on the bed.
Police:Is there anything you can tell us about your attacker.
Me:He was much better at fighting than me.
Police:Ok is there anything else?
I love my wife dearly, but she just used the word “whatevs” for the first time, so 17 years. It’s been a good run.
god: i’m gonna make you murdery
god: but small
god: ˢᵒ ˢᵐᵒˡ
Counted five pregnant women at this Noah matinee. Praying their water doesn’t break.