Heard my mom tell my dad to “stop tossing her salad” at the dinner table and now I can’t look at either one of them without laughing…
The only way a “staycation” sounds good is if the rest of my family takes a “leavecation”
You Might Also Like
Any sink has a garbage disposal if you push hard enough.
Can we all agree to make this the new ‘this is fine’ meme please
I only fight in alleys so I can put them in a dumpster after I win
If men had periods our commercials would be awesome…
Dad: I had a son once
Stranger: what happened to him?
D: he touched the thermostat
Kid: dad, I’m like right here
D: you hear something?
Can’t. The ex-girlfriend is making me take her to the movies.
Wife: I TOLD YOU TO STOP CALLING ME THAT!
Rhetorical is still a word, right?
Cop *pulling me over*: alright, is there anything I should know about?
Me: heart attack symptoms of men and women differ a lot. Men have chest pain while women mostly feel nauseous
Cop: awesome, see, I didn’t know that. Have a nice day
FRIEND: Where were you?
ME: I got sick and had to rush to the doctor
ME: Nah, just drove really fast