@jenyb4

The only way I’d want to watch a video of you pouring a bucket of ice water over your head is if you promise you drown at the end.

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@bridger_w

Does anybody know what date Easter is this year? And if so, what are you, obsessed with Easter

@MrAaronAbrams

I made fun of a lady swaddling her dog in a blanket and she overheard and turns out it wasn’t a dog it was her baby hey have a great Monday.

@Skoog

professor x: what’s your power?

me: i can cry

professor x: on command?

me: no just when i’m sad or whatever

professor x: you don’t punch a hole in the drywall?

me: nope

professor x: wow [writes on notepad] logan are you hearing this?

@alyssalimp

Me yesterday: I’m gonna get so much done during this quarantine

Me today: 2pm time for bed

@wickedsuga

All the world does is try to tear us apart.

-me to my bed every morning

@Tarrigan

Spider van
Spider van
How do spiders drive a van?
10 on top
10 below
Where would you like to go?
Get in.
Get in the Spider Van.

@sixfootcandy

My husband thinks it’s funny how I have nothing to wear until I pack 4 suitcases for a trip.