@pinupteacher: The "Ooooo" the audience makes during a sitcom kiss but for me when I finally take a shower.
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@InternetHippo: Internships are useful for a résumé. When you apply for a real job, they'll be like, "I see you worked for free a lot, are you an idiot?"
@woodmuffin: Please stop praying for my grandpa u are making him too strong. He broke out of the hospital & cops say their tasers don't work on him :(
@Lisa_Laughs_: Hey, I may not look like much right now, but believe me, in the morning I'll look even worse.
@Marlebean: Eating a banana. Thought I should tell you. Twitter seems concerned about women getting enough potassium. But... why can't I use my teeth?