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@SleazySli: The opposite of a nightmare is a morningstallion.
@nappydolemite: If there was a problem, yo, I caused it.
@pharmasean: Beethoven: hey everybody, this next song’s called "Für Elise”
Elise: omg, we broke up 6 months ago, get over urslf
B: SHUT UP ELISE I LUV U
@WhoCuppedMyCake: If your ex is dropping subtle hints drop bigger hints.
Like a toaster in a bathtub.
@BoweKnows: Do lady dolphins ever get tattoos of 19-yr-old community college students?
@Jesssicle: Really, iTunes? You need to update my calculator app? Have there been changes to basic math that I'm unaware of?