But that’s none of my business
The opposite of a nightmare is a morningstallion.
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ME: Tell me your weaknesses.
INTERVIEWER: um I’m interviewing you!
M: *writes ‘hostile’*
I: What’s that say?
M: *writes ‘overly suspicious’*
9am: Very busy day today, I need to focus & stay off the internet
1pm: did you know that Texas has the largest population of prairie dogs?
Happy third birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge
DOCTOR: I have good news and bad news
ME: what’s the good news
D: that’s for someone else; sorry, doctor-patient confidentiality
*impulsively buys a private island
*frolics on the island for several weeks
*gets Mastercard bill in the mail
WHAT THE F–oh yeah the island
ME: tell me what you like
HER: I really get off on exhibitionism
ME: OK, cool, weird that museums turn you on but cool
What’s large, black and steals your credit cards?
Superman: I hate your Bat Cave! I can’t get cell service
Batman: Your carrier sucks
Superman: Oh yeah, who do you use?
Batman: Bat Mobile
I told my husband my throat was sore & his response was, “We’d better have sex quick before you get too sick.”
& it’s nice to know normalcy remains.