A smile in Canada is called a smilometre.
The opposite of a nightmare is a morningstallion.
You Might Also Like
Best coffee I ever had was the one that stayed on my bumper for 7 miles
?When the moon hits your eye?
You’ll be killed.
Not to brag, but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
[first day as a human being] wow there are a lot of us, this seems promising 🙂 it appears that we’re all in this togeth-
Next time a conspiracy theorist says, “That’s what they want you to think,” say, “No, but that’s what they wanted you to tell me.”
having sex w/ a girl who has multiple personalities would be awesome unless one of those personalities was hitler
One surefire way to get people to stop self-deprecating is to agree with them.
My fortune cookie reads “I peed in your fried rice” and it’s hand written…
HORSE: *walks up to the bar*
ME [THE BARTENDER] : So, *raises an eyebrow* why the long face ?
HORSE: Oh *removes Nic Cage mask* Sorry