*puts on sports bra*
Well, that’s enough exercise for today…
The part in Temple Of Doom where she reaches in the hole full of bugs, but me reaching into a pot of cold water in the sink to grab a fork.
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Does it sound ridiculous? Yes. Did I get a sports injury from eating too many tacos? Also yes.
I’m generally an honest person, but if you ask me when I last washed my hair, I will lie like a rug, a rug that hasn’t been shampooed in 6 days.
Angel: So the sins are deadly.
Angel: So like, do you die if you commit one?
God: Well, no.
Angel: So why call them deadly?
God: It’s like *waving arms* spooky, you know?
You’re so fake, even China denied they made you.
Doctor’s office: All our records are electronic now just fill out these 12 forms.
Health officials: Don’t touch your face
Me, seconds later:
HER: [walks in wearing lingerie] See anything you like?
ME: I don’t think that will fit me.
I don’t care how much it rains, I’m not getting on a sex animal boat with a guy named Noah.
Please don’t feed the Kardashians.