Grammar Nazi hiding in Argentina captured after being baited on social media with an inappropriate you’re usage
The person who came up with “happily ever after” probably didn’t realize humans would live longer than 34 years.
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I got this “breathe” tattoo on my wrist because I don’t have a central nervous system and it’s a helpful reminder.
I’m “had to actually call a girl on the home phone to ask her out while hoping my mom didn’t pick up and start dialing” years old.
Cop: we have you surrounded come out with your hands up
Stick Figure: lol
Cop: wait are you surrendering or laughing right now
If you can tell from my eye contact at the grocery store that I’m inviting you to race shopping carts, you’re my kinda people.
RUN FOREST!!! RUN!!! But the trees just stood there. Frozen with fear. In the end, the flames consumed them all.
My neighbors got so weird when I asked how many bodies they thought were buried in their yard. I meant roughly, not like an exact number.
I just ordered a set of dumbbells, so that’ll be a fun new thing to trip over while I search for the remote.