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@UnFitz: The Pillsbury Doughboy and Little Debbie walk into a bar.
Bartender: I see bread people.
@notacroc: [dinner table]
SHARK: i got the promotion
SHARK WIFE: are you lead sharkitect now?
SHARK: *pushes plate away* my career isn't a joke, Sharon
@Marcmywords2: Drugs CAN make your life
miserable but if you wanna
leave no room for error,
try a Marriage Certificate.
@BrainFumbles: [throws dirty diaper away]
- OMG WHAT R U DOING?!
- it's gross im not touching that
- GET THE BABY OUT OF THE TRASH & CHANGE IT!
- ugh, fine
@truegritrumble: (First Day as an Interior Decorator)
ME: I'm not sure this giant cross is right for this space.
PRIEST: Again, this is a church.
@kwkorpi: Son hunted 4 part of our family dinner 2night! With steady nerve & calm focus, he tracked down the hot dog buns for us at the grocery store.