Her: I think you’re getting too into those Hobbit movies
Me: *stops gluing a beard on the baby* what?
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Breaking Bad last ep.
Walt takes off the mask to reveal he was Dwayne Johnson
The world finally knows what the Rock was cookin
Headline: “Russian Jet Shot Down by Turkey”
My 1st thought was, “Holy shit the bird has gone Rambo.” I must have Thanksgiving on my mind.
Can reach high things, feel like an Amazonian warrior.
“Wow, you’re tall!”
*repeat for infinity*
I had a long list of important things that I had to get done today. I lucked out, I can’t find it. Anyone free for lunch?
Teenager: *eats three corn dogs and a row of Chips Ahoy* mom what’s for dinner
Friend: I love FB but it’s gettin a lil boring.
Me: Well that’s cause all the cool peeps are on Twi- ..uh are all dead. Yeah they all died.
Sea turtles happened when god got stoned one night and wondered what would happen if a frisbee was a lizard.
Still looking for the Christmas presents I hid last year.
Everyone say hi to the lady reading my phone over my shoulder.