Spiderman: Can I be in The Avengers now?
Captain America: Um sure.
Spiderman: What should I do?
Iron Man: You’re in charge of web design.
The purpose of Terrorism is to scare and make people feel unsafe, which is something it has in common with Cable News.
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[date doesn’t cry at the beginning of Up]
“I think we should see other people.”
Wife text from work on Easter. “Happy Easter” quick reply as joke “I’m going to grind on you so hard” opens text.Was group family text.truth
Things I constantly worry about pressing:
1. “Like” while ex stalking
2. Send all drafts
3. A baby’s soft spot
Yes, this list is in order.
i’ll never forget what mom said when dad told her he thinks we’re growing up too fast
“they’re in there daring each other to eat dog food”
COPS: COME OUT OF THE HOUSE
“I’LL NEVER COME OUT”
COPS: WE WERE TALKING TO YOUR DOG. WE WANT TO PET HIM
[woman on death row]
“Your last meal?”
– I don’t care. You pick.
– Gross no
– No. Anything is fine tho.
– Ew carbs
Husband: *buys her flowers*
H: *buys her jewellery*
H: *starts extreme couponing*
W: *gives him all the sex*
Person: how does writing work?
Writer: well you type & you delete. You rethink. Then you do 187 min of research & correct it. You reread & wonder if you have a grasp of English. Then you revise
Person: then you’re done with the book?
Writer: then you move to the next sentence
I wish I were an octopus so that the answer to all of my problems would be, ‘change color and escape in a cloud of ink’