The 80s gave me the unrealistic expectation that I would eventually see a mannequin come to life.
“the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog”:
-has no impact or weight to it
“sphinx of black quartz, judge my vow”
-literally the most metal way to test out your font
-raw as hell
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I went to Lowe’s to buy a human-sized microwave & the guy loudly said they don’t exist & then took me to a back room & they had lots of them
Why does Mommy always say no?
Well Son, if Mommy said yes all the time you’d have 20 more siblings.
Being a single man has to be depressing when you think that even a guy like Hitler had a girlfriend.
How’m I going to 80’s montage myself out of this one?
Stephen Fry is being investigated for blasphemous comments.
Stephen Colbert is being investigated for a joke.
LET MY STEPHENS GO! 😡
Emotions don’t scare me. People who manage to hide theirs completely, do.
[Driving back from the petting farm]
5: They didn’t have duckies this time, but they had baby pigs!
[remembering the Smuggled Duckiling Incident from months earlier, I slam on brakes]
Me: IS THERE A BABY PIG IN THIS CAR
I was once accused of stealing money from work. I didn’t do it but it was nice to know management also thought I wasn’t getting paid enough.
an unmuted programmer on the zoom call: CLACK CLACK CLACK CLACK CLACK CLACK CLACK CLACKCLACKCLACK