Me: Do you have the Harry Potter audiobook?
The quickest way to find out the time is to order a beer at breakfast with your mother.
You Might Also Like
*priest hands out “What To Expect At Your Exorcism”
Husband: Babe, this isn’t counseling
Me: You said you’d try anything
Podcast? Back in my day you got a newspaper. To subscribe, you’d call them up. “25 cents a day for your filthy rag, full of lies and comics, please. Every day. Throw it at my house as hard as you can in the middle of the night. When I’m done not reading it, I’ll wrap fish in it.”
*has to pee*
*gets up to pee*
the difference between cupcakes and your opinion is that I asked for cupcakes
[Calling doctor’s office]
Lady: When is your child’s birthday?
Me: *panic* click
How long can COVID live on breakdancing cardboard?
And can it be killed by sick moves?
if you tell your guests your house was just broken into and fake cry they will clean it for free