Your word is ‘effusive’
That is correct. What was your name?
I know lmao [hi5s other judge]
The reason I don’t like Facebook’s “memories” feature is because it shows me 6 years ago wearing the same shirt I have on right now.
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If monogamy is sex with only one person, what is origami?
Clue is a wonderful game that teaches children about murder.
Shipwreck diary, Day 32,567: So, turns out I’m immortal.
I got fired from my job as a diesel
fitter in a panties factory.
We would hold the panties up,
inspect them and say “Dese’ll fit her”
HER: Wow you look great.
ME: Thanks. I use both my eyes.
I wonder what people with house phones posted on MySpace today?
[getting eaten by a snake] HELP THIS SLEEPING BAG IS EATING ME.
Kidnapper holding me for ransom: *handing me phone* your parents want to talk to you so they have proof you’re alive
Me: can I just text them
[on horseback dressed as a knight]
ME: I wish to battle your King
CASHIER: Sir please get out of the drive-thru
ME: Tell that coward to come out and defend his throne
CASHIER: There is no actual Burger King