Didn’t u hate it when as a kid u got the “mystery flavor” lollipop & the mystery ended up being that your parents got divorced (Or lemon)?
The recipe said “prick with a fork,” but enough about me.
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Jack: wanna share that door so I don’t die?
Rose: [door lock noise]
*watches Charlotte’s Web*
Netflix: you might also enjoy…
Season 1 episode 1 of Black Mirror
ILLUMINATI: *drinks chicken noodle soup and gets a good night’s rest*
WELLUMINATI: I’m feeling much better
Everything my three year old says is like listening to a weird roommate describe their LSD dreams.
Fave bit of the Breaking Bad finale is when Ross is like “DID SHE GET OFF THE METH?” and then Rachel shows up and says “I got off the meth.”
Friend: You thinking what I’m thinking?
Me: It’s bullshit there weren’t schools from other continents in the Triwizard Tournament?
If anyone has a solid 3 hours on their hands, my 6 year old has a story about Pikachu he’ll tell to anyone who is willing to listen.
I know it’s not on any calendar but it’s “put on clean underwear” day.
If you send me a work memo on the weekend I respond with Linkin Park lyrics.