Something touched my leg while in the ocean and apparently I can walk on water now
The rest of the world should fear our military.
We have the most cutting edge technology 1954 had to offer.
You Might Also Like
Heard covid makes everything taste like lacroix. I am now wearing seven masks
[At the Rumble]
her *aggressively taking off earrings and heels*
me *desperately trying to find somewhere to set down my ice cream cone*
Commercial for Twitter:
“Are you tired of arguing with people you actually know?”
Me: “Dude, I brought another dress for you to clean.”
Dry cleaner: *takes off headphone* “Sorry, come again?”
Me: “No, mustard.”
While taking a nap with my daughter, my 4 year old son creeps into my bed, fiddles with my bra hooks for 5 minutes, then gives up and passes out snoring next to me. No need for a paternity test, he’s definitely my husband’s son.
At some point, you’d think there’d be a governmental inquiry into the excessively high escape rate of Gotham City’s penitentiaries.
if you have a dog and don’t greet it by singing “hello barkness, my old friend” then what’s the point
Is your refrigerator running?
Because I might vote for it.
“Get a parrot,” they said. “It’ll be fun,” they said. “Get a parrot,” the parrot said. “It’ll be fun,” the parrot said.