@andylassner
@PleaseBeGneiss Itsy bitsy spider (drenched): sorry I’m late
Spider’s wife: what took so long?
Itsy bitsy spider: I got washed down the water spout
Spider’s wife: you won’t be climbing up that again
Itsy bitsy spider: yeah… for sure
You Might Also Like
@PleaseBeGneiss 
@Dawn_M_ I’m just going to come right out and say it. I’m sorry I ate your seagull.
@SondraDeeMe Roasted beef is like regular beef except the cows family tells embarrassing stories about it, which are tough and tasteless.
@HandfulOfLewds Since my cat keeps waking me up at three in the morning, I’ve decided to wake him up every day at three in the afternoon.
@BruceForce I mainly get my exercise by awkwardly running to doors when people hold them open for me
@JustLikeMikee Modern Warfare: a $700,000,000 dollar plane drops a $50,000 bomb on a $1.00 tent
@trojansauce FRIEND:i suffer badly with insomnia
ME:what’s that
FRIEND:it’s where you can’t sleep
ME:you just*lays down*just like this *falls asleep*see?
@tsunami__7 Worst part about going to work this morning was the look on my dog’s face that said “sucks for you, I’m going back to sleep”.
@putopao Thank you, Internet.
Thank you.
@Mattac0la A hipster so cool he is reading a tree