Cop: step forward and say ‘boing boing’
Suspect 1: boing boing
Suspect 2: boing boing
Desk lamp: boing boing
Wife of Pixar’s letter i: that’s the one. He killed my husband
The shortest distance between two points is over a cyclist.
~Australian drivers, apparently.
You Might Also Like
Son, your insistence on dismembering all of your siblings is tearing this family apart!
“You’re free now” I say to my stomach as I unbutton my pants.
So, I bought the Cucumber Mint lip balm from Burt’s Bees. I kinda love it and hate it too. What? Oh, yeah I want to report a murder.
If the liquor store didn’t want me to drink all their alcohol than they never should have put a help wanted sign in the window.
Him: Did you poop in the shower?
Me: Is that an actual question you’re asking me right now?
H: Well who else could it be?
M: How about one of our kids that’s known to do stuff like that and not YOUR WIFE THAT TRADITIONALLY DOESN’T SHIT THE SHOWER?
H: Oh that makes more sense.
Why DOES “February” have that extra R? It should just be “Februay.”
[hears a baby crying on the train]
Can somebody put that thing on silence please?
“It’s a baby..”
You say drug dealer.
I say astute, urban entrepreneur embracing the booming chemical escapism market.
Laughing at your mistakes could lengthen your life. Laughing at your spouse’s mistakes WILL shorten it…