If zombies ever attack just go to Costco, they have walls, years of food and supplies, and zombies can’t get in without a Costco membership
The ‘theme’ of every theme park is the need for more effective birth control.
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“Today I’m just going to wear pajamas all day.” – Hugh Hefner ever morning of his life.
Well hello, “Party-Size” bag of Doritos. Welcome to my party! There will be no other guests.
technically true but not a great slogan
Sharks aren’t the bad guys. If some stranger entered my house in just a Speedo, I would probably attack him too.
*burglar breaks in*
*i reach into my nightstand drawer, get my phone, & take his picture*
Burglar: No I have a double chin!
Me: I’ll post it
God: yes my child
me: I need help-
God: ask and thou shall receive
me: -moving into my new apt
Dominicans be naughty on purpose so they can get coal from Santa for their hookahs
I still get my ‘drive-throughs’ & ‘drive-bys’ mixed up. Which is the one where I have to take a gun?