@desukidesu

the three most popular activities in ancient greece:

3) debating the meaning of life
2) performing theatre
1) having sex with zeus

You Might Also Like

@QueenofSparta

OMG THE POWER I HAVE ON TWITTER IS INSANE MWUAHAHAHAHA

*catches bus to get home

@kharizzmaaa

Dominicans be naughty on purpose so they can get coal from Santa for their hookahs

@AndrewChamings

I miss those two years in the nineties when instead of using sarcasm we’d just say the opposite of what we were thinking followed by “NOT”

@MissSassy_Pants

You know how when a car in front of you is going to parallel park but they waive you by first as if to say “I’m gonna mess this up and I don’t need any witnesses”?

I wish I could do that for my life in general.

@EndhooS

If you legally change your name to ‘You’re Free to Go’ then it’s impossible to get arrested.

@Thedudish

I always keep a gun in my pocket so people won’t think I’m happy to see them.

@Rollinintheseat

I have a lift function on my wheelchair so I can reach tall counters. The lift moves really slowly. One time, I got overcharged for something. I tried to storm out of the store, but my chair just slowly lowered to the ground as the cashier stared at me.

@jjax44

It sucks when you & your pal show up at a party wearing the same shirt…and an hour in, his chest hair starts sticking to your back.

@seamusmckracken

Make sure your first place together is on the ground floor, so when she throws your stuff out the window, it won’t break.