People will come in and out of your life. Make sure they’ve gotten the flu vaccine.
The time between the nurse leaving the room and the doctor entering is for exploring and trying out as many tools as possible
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“Eat me,” said the noun
“Say what?” said the verb.
“Eat me,” repeated the noun, word for word.
*gives up horoscopes for Lent
*caves and reads horoscope
“You are weak willed and lack conviction”
When one door closes another one opens. … Or you could just re-open the closed door. Because that’s how doors work…!!
Welcome to kleptomaniac club. I see you already took a brochure.
Keeping a blood capsule in my mouth for the next guy who tells me to smile.
[High school reunion]
Person: “I don’t remember you.”
Me: *starts crying*
Person: “Now I remember you.”
[1st person to try jogging]
Peasant: what chasest thou, m’lady?
Jogger: Nothing. I doth run for mine own pleasure.
Peasant: *suddenly holding a torch and pitch fork* WITCH!!!
My friend tripped and fell, ran into a tree and broke her nose on her morning run this morning. I reminded her, I maybe got a little out of breath, but didn’t hurt anything eating cheesecake in bed.
Enter Sandman is my favourite song about why I don’t have sex on the beach.