@dog_feelings: the tiny monsters are on their way. and my job. is to hold this bucket of snacks for them. i was told they can only take one. but that’s not my rule to enforce
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@ArfMeasures: Morgan Freeman: Get busy living or get busy dying Me: Hell yeah! [After spending a week with me] Morgan Freeman: Which....which one are you doing?
@ItsDanSheehan: When a zoo animal dies they always call it "beloved" or a "crowd favorite" like there's some animal named "Jimmy the zebra everyone hates"
@SteveKoehler22: [Mad scientist lamenting] "All that work, trying to create a perfect palindrome ..wasted! DAMMIT I'M MAD !" (Pauses) "Hey...wait