Dear Sir, I am writing this with a heavy heart. Sorry it’s so hard to read I should really find a pen
the vatican should not be allowed to name any new saints until God sorts out my numerous issues with the citibank web portal
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HR – What are your strengths and weaknesses ?
Me – WiFi Password and WiFi Signal.
My husband’s doing that cute thing again where he thinks he’s right.
*throws his shit out on the lawn*
*makes a bonfire*
doctor: the bad news is you’re dying
me: so there’s good news?
doctor: not for you, no
Excited to announce that I am running for city council! Oops, typo. I am running from city council!
*Knocks down spider web*
*Hangs up spider web Halloween decorations*
I am ‘yay my plans to go out got cancelled’ years old
RIDDLER: What belongs to you, but others use it more than you do?
ME: Every piece of kitchenware I own?
RIDDLER: Well, no, but
Him: This house is perfect for us!
Her: What about the kids?
Him: You’re right. We’ll have to put them up for adoption
My new diet consists in killing anyone who tells me I’m fat.