@The1WhosCrazy

The walk of shame:

When you toss a paper ball in trash, miss, then have to go get it.

You Might Also Like

@alkemp57

I’ve just invented a perfume made from holy water
Eau my God

@JB1971_

I eat my sandwich over a piece of bread, so when stuff falls out…BOOM! another sandwich.

@PrettyRicc

Finally figured out the reason I look so bad in photos. It’s my face

@JennyJohnsonHi5

My mom: The liberals in California are rubbing off on you.

Me: I know, it keeps getting in my hair.

(silence)

@myonlymizztake

Can you imagine being cryogenically frozen and waking up 100 years later? Your hairstyle would be so outdated, how embarrassing.

@MichaelTrying

Yet another “No DMs” bio. All this civil rights progress but bigotry against Dungeon Masters is still tolerated.

@Proxic0n

COPS: We know you killed him

ME: I didn’t do it!

COPS: really? *starts playing Shakira*

ME: wait no

MY HIPS: HE’S UNDER THE FLOOR BOARDS

@KrangTNelson

stop saying “newspaper editors are only interested in content that causes a lot of uproar” when we all know that newspaper editors are only interested in pictures of spiderman

@Area51eh

LOL pills that say don’t take with alcohol. Ok Doc, how do YOU
suggest I take my medication then?