I’ve just invented a perfume made from holy water
Eau my God
The walk of shame:
When you toss a paper ball in trash, miss, then have to go get it.
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I eat my sandwich over a piece of bread, so when stuff falls out…BOOM! another sandwich.
Finally figured out the reason I look so bad in photos. It’s my face
My mom: The liberals in California are rubbing off on you.
Me: I know, it keeps getting in my hair.
Can you imagine being cryogenically frozen and waking up 100 years later? Your hairstyle would be so outdated, how embarrassing.
Yet another “No DMs” bio. All this civil rights progress but bigotry against Dungeon Masters is still tolerated.
COPS: We know you killed him
ME: I didn’t do it!
COPS: really? *starts playing Shakira*
ME: wait no
MY HIPS: HE’S UNDER THE FLOOR BOARDS
stop saying “newspaper editors are only interested in content that causes a lot of uproar” when we all know that newspaper editors are only interested in pictures of spiderman
LOL pills that say don’t take with alcohol. Ok Doc, how do YOU
suggest I take my medication then?