Lysol kills 99.9% of germs, yet you’re still here.
The Water Board sent me a notice saying that my bill was a year old,
I obviously apologised for forgetting, and sent them a birthday card.
You Might Also Like
You can tell a lot about a person by judging them.
(Macbeth and lady Macbeth)
“I killed King Duncan”
“You told me to!!”
I didn’t think you’d do it omg lmao savage
Sometimes Victoria’s Secret is Victor’s secret on weekends.
Most people will give you their jacket if you’re naked and tell them you come from the future.
If you REALLY need to get laid tonight, put on your oldest or most ridiculous underwear. It works every single time.
I’d use my best pan on you.
They must have had a really good laugh when doctors realized that thermometers could be taken orally too.
u could put a horse in a time machine and send it to any era and the horse’s life would literally be the same
Bad cop *plants drugs in perps car*
Gardener cop *adds mulch & Miracle-Gro®*