@thegayfarmerguy: The wind blew a smart car into my lane and I had to roll down my window and swat it out of the way.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@addy_maybe: if i ever got a tattoo it would be something meaningful in Chinese but deliberately misspelled to say, like, may all your trees be cantaloupes, so smug smart people would sneer at me but i'd privately be judging THEM for being pompous jerks guess how many friends i have
@arielleBigBlue: When a guy wearing shorts and sandals to a bar is picking out songs on the jukebox, it's going to end badly for everyone.
@NikiWithIssues: Don't worry, officer, this isn't my blood. Really, stop searching me! I feel fine!