I’ve discovered my home doesn’t have a basement.
It was just the estate agent doing that walking down the stairs thing behind the couch
The word “hello” only became common in 1827 and I like to imagine a glorious era before that when everyone just ignored each other
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Kinda rude the way this hedgehog is running away from me when I’m trying to stick cheese on his spikes.
WELL PLAYED, SIR
#FattenUpABand The Rolling Scones
‘A 12 year old invented an app….No pressure though.’
(Me to my kids)
[stabbing you with a knife]
I’m just being sarcastic, lighten up.
[my day at work]
9:00am: so much to do, blessed!
9:05am: ok I’m bored
9:06am: *googles am I too goth for work?*
Anyone with really healthy kidneys interested in a tweet up?
*Power goes out*
Wife: I can’t see!
*Shoes light up*
Me: Ha! Whose shoes were “a waste of money” & “clearly meant for a large child” now?!