@MissNaughty1801: The worst thing about finding out Santa isn't real is that you realise it was your parents who were to blame for all the terrible presents
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@Be___Dope: People are all wanting a Morgan Freeman voiceover on their GPS. And I'm over here wanting Donald Duck.
@dshack8: Pre-Having Daughters: *Hates hearing "NO" from women Post-Having Daughters: *Teaches them "NO" in 167 different languages including Klingon
@ibid78: [me] if all dogs go to heaven, then what about Cujo? [the pope] how did you get into my bathroom?
@ShoutingGoddess: When idiots talk to me, I just imagine they're saying, 'I'm an idiot,' over and over. Makes it easier to nod in agreement and not get cross.