The first guy that paid for life insurance died never knowing if it was a scam.
The year is 2020. Hip hop has fully merged with dubstep, creating the genre of music known as Dubhop. All hope for mankind is lost
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I’m at my most Ninja Turtle when I remove a manhole cover & jump into the sewers to avoid making eye contact with someone I know in public.
[having daughter’s new boyfriend (who I think is a caveman) over for dinner]
so dave, how is work? *lights candle and watches his reaction*
If getting a tan is wrong then I don’t wanna be white.
-Harry Potter before tuning his enemies into guacamole
All I’m saying is any office that buys thin toilet paper is not really saving money. All savings are lost when the hand soap runs out faster…
*invent miniaturisation machine.
*shrink to tiny size.
*crawl all over sleeping spider’s face.
[soldier making lunch]
Now for some avocado [grabs grenade] oh oh, if this is here then that means [cut to soldier taking cover for 5 hours]
So in 2016 I’ve decided to leave all the negative people behind. So im sorry if i owe you money because im moving on from that now.
Watching my dad try to scroll through pictures on my phone is like watching someone trying to pet a bubble.