If you say “NO YOURE UNDER ARREST” the cop legally has to get in the back of your car.
The year is 2057. iPhone 742 is released. The screen touches you.
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Watching basketball while on the treadmill feels like reading a book about someone reading an even bigger & better book
Me: How much for the doggy in the window
Store Employee: That’s Karen. She works here
If my iPod doesn’t work in the next few minutes, I’m throwing it in the river.
It can either sync or swim.
Her: Are you getting off early today?
Me: THAT HAPPENED ONE TIME!
MAN!! My boss is always all “Blah blah blah!”, “You’re late!”, and “Get me more pictures of Spiderman!!”
Wife: Guess what I did
Me: Captured Bigfoot?
Wife: I got a great deal on kid’s clothes
Me: Just so I’m clear, Bigfoot is still out there?
My wife can spot me dropping a single crumb anywhere in our house from 50 feet away but her car looks like a Starbucks exploded inside of it.
Nobody is happy. Be like Nobody.
It’s all fun and games until HR sends an email with “Your Twitter Account” in the subject line.