The year was 1989 and America fell in love with Ariel, the half-animal girl who collects garbage.

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I got really excited when she talked about a motorboat date, but as it turns out, she just wanted to take a ride on the lake. *sigh*


*deliberately drops paper in front of cute girl*
Oh my goodness was that my…(sexy voice) political science degree


Date: so you’re a handyman?

Me: no I just do odd jobs

Date: like what

Me: yesterday I taught a duck karate


I want to get a medical bracelet that says, “Shy” so I can I just hold it up during social situations.


Oh sure, a 3yo can get candy for not pooping their pants, but when I demand wine for successful defecation, I get sent home by HR.


Me: somebody stole my stapler

HR: you’re working from home


When a woman suddenly shuts up, a man can hear the theme from Psycho discreetly playing in the background.



1. End
2. Of
3. Year
4. Top
5. Ten
6. Lists
7. Are
8. Exercises
9. In
10. Stupidity