7 across) Person you work with, 9 letters
21 down) Person you hate, 9 letters
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Bird: Can I eat bugs off you and use you as a toilet?
Rhino: What’s in it for me?
Bird: I’ll warn you of danger
Rhino: I don’t have predators
Bird: Okay I was trying to be polite but this is happening
[first day as a scientist]
Scientist: you have a budget of $1.3m
*2 weeks later*
Scientist: we need a progress update
Me [has blown the budget on an army of genetically engineered dog size giraffes]: wind is basically air in a hurry
I tell people “I’m not looking for anything serious” because I’m hunting clowns.
*interrupts your baby’s first words*
“IF A PANDA WEARS A HANDKERCHIEF IT’S CALLED A PANDANA.”
No parent wants to see their child grow up and join a cult or a cable news political panel.
Freezing bananas before they go bad is a great tip I learned 6 months ago. Now I have a freezer full of bananas
I know the weather is cooling down, but deodorant is a four seasons thing.
I hate it when I’m at someone’s house and they ask stupid questions like “Who are you?” and “Is that a gun?”
Why are people giving something up for lint? I’m sweeping that shit up every day if you want some more.