*gives rubber ducky a swig of my wine*
Everybody in this tub getting tipsy.
therapist: and when do you think your trust issues started
me: when I found out all the skittles are the same flavor
therapist: wait, what
You Might Also Like
People are posting pictures of their Christmas trees all decorated, and I’m over here like, “Does anyone know if we have a clean plate?!”
HER: [she puts her hand down my pants] mm what do we have in here
ME: [sweatin because thats where I keep my chicken mcnugget stash] nothin
look. life is bad. evryones sad. we’re all gona die. but i alredy bought this inflatable boumcy castle so r u gona take ur shoes off or wat
Open an ice cream shop with flavors like “don’t be sad,” “they’re not worth it,” “you deserve better” and see if people don’t flock right in
Laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have herpes. Laugh all you want. You’ll still have herpes.
Strong people don’t put others down. They lift them up.
And throw them.
If someone tells you they don’t like some particular word, do not torment them with it. To do so is totally moist.
Can I be wracked with something other than guilt. Like. Can I be wracked with spaghetti.
They say your home is your castle.
But the second you build a dungeon in the basement someone inevitably calls the cops