@ArfMeasures: THERAPIST: As a young boy, did your mother ever treat you badly?
ME: As far as I know *pauses to think* my mother was never a young boy
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@qwertying: I bet you $4,567.89 you can’t guess how much I owe my bookie.
@Marlebean: Me: Shut the door, I need privacy 4y/o: But we're family! Me: Families don't watch each other go poop 4:You watch me poop! Me:...take a seat
@freudianscript: Welcome to twitter- Please stand by, someone will disagree with you shortly.
@natsmama75: My toddler was about to hit her head on a bar at the playground so I told her to duck and she quacked at me. And then hit her head.
@DanMentos: date: So what do you do? me: *pulls out stuffed fox* I'm a taxidermist date: Oh wow fox: and a ventriloquist
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