@Manali_Shetye5
If it’s not Valentine’s Day and you see a man in flower shop, you can probably start the conversation with “What did you do?”.
@sensual_dad
therapist: so, how are you feeling?
me: i’m feeling ok
therapist: great! let’s ruin that feeling by unearthing some childhood trauma
You Might Also Like
@Manali_Shetye5
@DrakeGatsby
Summertime: Fill up my hydration backpack with water.
Wintertime: Fill up my hydration backpack with piping hot tomato soup.
@AmishPornStar1
I’m not saying I’m an idiot…
But if some village comes looking…tell them you never saw me.
@therepoguy
Moves shopping cart to allow car to park
Lady doesn’t even say thanks
Puts cart back behind her car
Leaves.
@Rollinintheseat
Drive thru window one: “Can I have a name for your order?”
Me: “Free.”
Drive thru window two: “I have an order for Free.”
Me: “Thanks!”
*drives away quickly*
@lalastrailer
If I had a dollar for everyone I work with who’s dumber than me, I’d have $11 cause I work for a small company.
@sweetmomissa
[Being murdered]
Murderer: any last words?
Me: It’s fine, go ahead
Murderer: *eyes widen*
Me: no really, you’re gonna do what you want anyway. I can’t stop you.
Murderer (who has been married 20 years): nope, I’m good *runs away*
@mooseandriosmom
Eating pancakes and bacon when I forget to put my teeth in is just not the same.
@TinCanDan
yeah st. louis has some weird eating habits but did you know that when you ask for pizza in chicago they give you lasagna
@jergarl
Me: IT’S TIME TO SETTLE DOWN FOR THE NIGHT
8yo:*starts playing accordion
M: Where did you even get that?
8:*making eye contact* No idea.