“One day, I will create a global business-oriented social networking service”
– Abraham LinkedIn
therapist: u suffer from social isolation
me: oh no
therapist: you just need to talk to people
me: OH NO
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Maybe I should’ve learned to code instead of majoring in Bermuda Triangle Studies
me: SHOW ME WHERE IT SAYS `NO CATS ALLOWED’
thats not a cat its a king cobra & it just went into the ballpit
me: Bitey loves kids doe
Tom’s of Maine is a really good deodorant to buy if you don’t mind spending a little extra to smell like you don’t use deodorant.
[at a loud bar]
HIM: [yelling] DO U HAVE ANY PLANS AFTER THIS?
HER: [also yelling] YES I DO ACTUALLY HAVE PLANTS THAT I KISS
How do you know if a website really likes you or only wants you for your data
No, you cannot sleep over.
And then he tweeted…..
“SEE YOU IN COURT”
After just LOSING IN COURT??
Him: My friend got me a Fitbit
Me: Oh yeah, heard of them, haven’t got one though
Him: You can buy them online
Me *whispering* you can buy friends online?!