me: how was school?
son: i got in trouble today
me: what for?
son: kung fu fighting
me: wow I’m so disappointed
son: but everybody was doing it
Therapist: Why are you here?
Me: Ahh, the great existential question. Why are any of us-
Therapist: No, I mean your appointment is tomorrow.
You Might Also Like
Roses are red,
except for all of the other colors of roses that have been in existence for thousands of years. Those are different colors.
*looks up from pestle and mortar
“Powdering this baby is HARD!”
When life hands you donkeys, move to a mountainous region.
My 5yo just came out of bed saying she yawned so hard her blankets came off, and honestly that’s like, groundbreaking work in the bedtime excuses field.
Earth, 1980: please stop emitting so much carbon dioxide
People: lol nah
Earth, 2020: HEY REMEMBER WHEN I ASKED NICELY LOL
Why do you want to be a psychiatrist?
*pictures clients acting like chickens after I click my fingers*
I want to help people
cant afford an MRI so im just going to get in the dryer with all my fridge magnets and have my friend stand outside it and write down all the sounds i make
Americans sure like Star Wars for something that immediately forces you to read
When you do it as an adult it’s a Wet William