@CelticMoonDance

There are no absolutes in this world. Except vodka.

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@StellaGMaddox

My minivan is always rocking, but it’s usually because I’m trying to smack one of the kids in the backseat while I drive.

@gregreckons

Grizzlies are emerging from hibernation, so hiking in groups of 3 or more is recommended. Also not being the slowest one of the group.

@katiefzack

People just said “go to the gym” they never mentioned that you have to actually do things when you get there I’ve been doing this so wrong.

@drankturpentine

this little piggy stayed home
this little piggy stayed home
this little piggy stayed home
this little piggy stayed home
this little piggy stayed home

@Chepkut_William

Qualifications for a job with the Kenyan government.

1. You must be old. Really old…like above 75 years old.

2.The older you’re, the higher your chances.

3. Death is an added advantage.

@aimlessamers

I pledged to pick up 10 pieces of trash on Tuesday. So, I’m going to Walmart to see if anyone needs a ride.

*adds humanitarian to resume